A quarter of 2015 has passed just like that. Time flies, doesn't it?
Have you been enjoying 2015 so far?
Have you worked on any of your "2015 new year resolution"?
Have you done anything that made you a better person this year?
I guess, it's a wake up call for me.
"Time changes everyone"
Since January, I've been away from home. From Thailand to United Kingdom, and now in Scotland. Everyone thought I must be having the time of my life, but I beg to differ. Nonetheless, I'm thankful for sure.
Many things happened lately, and its hard for me to explain my true feelings. Those inner voices I hear everyday, decisions I have to make, and people I have to please. They contradict but I kept mum anyway because I really have no idea how should I make things better - for them and for myself. I wanted to pen down my thoughts for the longest time, but I couldn't,
In this short 3 months, I've lost count of the number of times I cried in secret. I was stressed, dejected and lost. I was afraid that I would make a mistake, but what if not trying is the mistake?
I want to be free. I don't want to be restricted in any way. I want to be myself, the me I knew and not someone I almost couldn't recognise. If such freedom will cost someone's happiness, should I still fight for it?
I told myself to give it another try, and I did. But again and again I found myself back to the same question, why bother? It has become tiring for me to "fake" a smile even though I may not meant to be. Every day I have to carefully "draft" my speech just so I wouldn't hurt anyone and at the same time hide my true feelings.
"If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel now"
I did share a little with a few close friends, some advice me to settle it asap, while some advice me to try again and see how. Sigh, I wish I could settle everything once and for all, as I don't wish to hurt anyone including myself any more. Prolonging this problem doesn't do anyone good. Why did I even... ugh
I prayed about this every day, asked for God's sign and all. In fact, like the past, I do believe that I saw those signs in 4 consecutive nights. Just that I wasn't sure if I interpreted them correctly, so I waited again.
What else can I do?
Dear stress, let's break up.
All in all, I would say it's my personal problem. I don't know how to say it but I just don't feel the same any more. How long more should I wait?
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On a positive side note, the following are my rough travel plans for this year!
April: Iceland, Switzerland, Germany, Czech Republic
May: Ireland, Scotland and UK
June: France, Italy, Croatia, Greece, Turkey, Romania, Hungary, Austria,
July: Spain, Portugal, Morocco, Netherlands, Japan, Korea
September: Bali? Phuket? Krabi? Maldives? Just somewhere chill maybe!
December: Maybe Australia again! Round trip? :D
The second half of 2015's trips are not confirmed, but I'm open to anyone who is interested in travelling with me. Hehe. Or probably, I will just meet random travellers on the way ^^
Anyone up for Korea say end July/ early August? :)
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Lastly, sorry for my late night rants and for not updating this space for a month as I've been busy with assignments and ... dramas :') Guess someone was right about me being 三分钟热度 HAHAH. Sometimes I'm just plain lazy la :( Sorry, I'll improve on that.
